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This was no Squeaker!

This is probably something I should not mention but sometimes I have no shame. 

I was in Sam’s the other day cruising the bread aisle and I came up behind this tiny little old woman who was pushing her cart slowly along.  I was in sneakers and I know she didn’t hear me.  I got about three feet behind her and selected a loaf of bread and was about to select a second loaf of a different kind when I heard her let one.  She ripped one off that about blew me back 4 steps.  As she was turning around to survey her damage I quickly sidestepped to my right and pretended to be choosing a loaf further away from her.  She looked startled to see me right there and mumbled, “Excuse me” under her breath and got it in gear and pushed her cart a little faster away from me.  Perhaps the “extra gas” was to keep her going, I don’t know.  She slipped around the corner and disappeared.  I waited a proper ten seconds before going back to where I was trying to pick out my bread.  I hesitated to enter that territory.  I was reluctant to even get a loaf from that area, but figured the plastic wrapping may have protected the bread loaves.  I held my breath and grabbed one anyway and left the crime scene. 

I felt sorry for her though.  Getting old ain’t easy.  Nor pretty.  Or for sissies.  You see, that happened to me years ago in Walmart while I was looking at greeting cards.  Bam, outta the blue, WRRRRP.  There was a lady on the other end of the rack reading a card and she looked at me as if I’d just crapped on the floor.  I saw her card almost drop out of her hand.  Her eyes widened in surprise and disbelief.  You know what I did?  I poked my head around the corner of the rack and looked over there with a properly aghast look on my face as if someone else had done it!  No kidding!  Like I could pull THAT off! 

She didn’t fall for it and I could tell.  I plopped my card back into its holder and I took off, literally, running.  Straight out the back through the garden center laughing like a crazed hyena.  I could not stop laughing!  I was in tears!  The look on her face and then me pretending it was someone else was too much even for me.  

So, old lady, whoever you were, I totally understand what you went through and I forgive you for it.  

At least you didn’t try and blame yours on some imaginary person.


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Old Phone Call Home

My friends – remember the old days when there was usually only one phone in the house and it was located in the kitchen where everyone could hear you talking?  If someone asked you your phone number you said, “Exbrook 8 – 7195” or “EX8-7195” and they knew what you were talking about immediately.  (That was our phone number when I was about 7 years old. 

Well, things have certainly changed since then, huh?  I felt very lucky to have a Princess Phone in the room I shared with my MOTHER when I was a teenager.  Nothing was better than listening to your boyfriend’s heavy breathing on the other end of the Princess Phone.  The heavy breathing was usually because he’d fallen asleep while we were talking, LOL.  I mean, geez, he’d stay at my house all evening and then go home and call me and I’d make him talk to me until one of us fell asleep.  Teenagers are so…out there.

But for you youngsters who think the big thing is texting and tweeting and having all the cool phones, you need to have just a clue of what we had…Check out this video and try not to laugh at the little girl who is struggling to keep smiling.  And then when you get upset because you are stuck with the Blackberry when you could have a Droid Incredible, or whatever the heck it is, remember to be grateful to your parents for what they give you. 


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Litterbugs Need Squashing

I’m taking a vote.

We own a corner piece of property.  About a month ago Tim was planting a garden on the corner lot and cleaning up along the fence line.  Before he could even get started he had to pick up the trash and the beer cans.  A neighbor from across the street helped him and he said that he knew who the person was throwing out the jist of the beer cans.  Bud Lights.  Big cans.  Tim said between the two of them they probably picked up two large garbage bags of Bud Light cans only.  These cans are a bright blue.  They show up nicely along the road.  

However, now the Bud Light beer cans are showing up in front of our house.  Seriously.  I counted five of them between our house and our neighbors just this morning.  One was thrown right next to the mail box.  I’m getting a little miffed about it.  It’s like a slap in the face!   I guess whoever this person is saw that they’re getting picked up so he’s going to make it a little easier by throwing them in front of our house!

 I have raved inwardly about this all morning.  What I want to do is pick up all the Bud Light cans and put them in one bag and save them until I have a big bag full.  I’m going to ask my neighbor who the clown is that is doing this.  Then I’m going to sneak down there after dark and distribute them in his front yard.  There is a $500 fine for littering on our road.  I figure I won’t be littering if I throw them in his yard right?

 Vote Yes or No – Would I be considered un-neighborly if I do this?

Be honest.

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The Rainbow


I woke up from a horrible dream this morning.  I won’t bore you with the details but it was one of those where when you do wake up, you lie there a moment and you feel the bed beneath you and look at the ceiling, then over at your husband and dog sleeping next to you and are amazed and relieved that it was just a dream.  I got up and went to the bathroom and thanked the good Lord that it was just a dream.  Well… I thanked Him right after I apologized for praying on the toilet.

 I thought about the dream the whole time I was having my coffee and smokes.  I didn’t talk about it, of course.  It would only upset Tim and besides, it was a dream.  I felt uneasy the whole time I was getting ready for work.   You know, you wonder if it’s a sign or something of things to come.  The worst part is that in the dream, I was struggling with the changes in my life that were about to happen and I wasn’t happy with them and I knew I was being selfish, selfish, selfish and I couldn’t help it!  So when I did wake up with that huge relief, part of it was because my life hadn’t changed and so far nothing horrible had happened to me.  I still feel guilty for my selfishness in the dream.  

On my way to work coming down US1, I see this HUGE beautiful rainbow.  It starts in Callahan proper and looks as if it ends right where our house stands.  What is truly weird about the rainbow though is this is the SECOND time I’ve awoke from a bad dream, went thru the same morning ritual, and got on US1 and saw a rainbow!  I swear!  It happened about a month ago when I was driving down the road thinking over the dream and inwardly praying to God that nothing was going to happen and then I see a rainbow.  It gives me such hope and makes me feel so much better.  It makes me feel that God is listening to me and he sent me a sign, you know?

 Meanwhile, I’m doing about 45 in a 60 mph zone and cars are zooming by me and I’m hanging onto my steering wheel trying to look out the front window and plastering my face to my side window trying to see the whole rainbow and swerving like a crazy woman all over the road.  I’m thinking, “Don’t you guys see this rainbow?  Slow down and look, for Pete’s sake!”  I wonder is anyone else seeing the rainbow?

 I pull into the store, get my smokes and as I’m pulling out, my cell phone rings.  Darn thing never rings so it catches me totally by surprise and scares the bejesus out of me.   It’s my friend Cheryl.  She says, “Was that you in the cig store?”  I laughed, and said, “Yeah, it’s better than seeing me pulling out of Hardee’s with a gravy biscuit, isn’t it?”  (We all know that means I’m suffering from one too many cups of cheer the previous night.)  We talk a second and I mentioned the rainbow and she said she saw it too!  Said when she got into her car she thought she saw a “skinny” rainbow overhead and didn’t see it good until she got on US1.  And she too was gawking down the highway looking at it, swerving, wondering if anyone else was seeing it.  We had a good laugh over that and hung up.

 So this morning I saw a rainbow for the second time in a month and the best part is I was sharing it with someone I love very much.  God really is GOOD.

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Oh Boy, I Love Christmas!!!

I love Christmas.  I really do.  What I really don’t care for though, is all the hassle and stress that comes with it.  We bring this on ourselves!  Or I do on myself anyway.

I went home last night determined to make cookies and banana nut bread.  First I must fix supper.  Hubby has been really great lately about fixing the meals while I’ve been painting like a crazed woman on bottle gourds he grew this past summer.  They finally dried enough to clean up, clean out, soak in copper sulphate, dry again, and get painted.  I worked all weekend on them.  But I’ve not made any cookies or goodies.  I hate to ask him to cook again. 

I absolutely suck at multi-tasking in the kitchen.  I mean it.  It is one thing at a time with me and I want the area halfway cleaned up before I begin my next project.  I won’t even tell you how the supper turned out because I cooked it in a really big hurry – it involved hamburger meat, sweet potatoes and frozen peas.  And buddy by God I said to them, you’d all better hurry up and be ready at the same time!  Because meanwhile, I’m over at the other counter mixing up the bread mix. 

I bought ten adorable little ceramic loaf pans at Michael’s for $1 each!!!  So cute, so Christmasy!  I pulled them lovingly from their bag and placed them on the counter, all lined up pretty ready to be washed.  Oh wait, need to remove the price tags from INSIDE the little dishes, not from the bottom, but the inside!  Where the food sits!  Huh?  Why there?

If I could get my hands around the neck of the blankety blank idiot that stuck the price tag on the inside of the dish with superglue, I would choke him.  (you know it’s a HIM, of course).   I smeared mayonnaise on the tags.  They are big tags too, about two inches, I swear.  Waited a bit.  Tested.  Nothing.  Smeared oil on them- waited – tested.  No moving these tags.  It took the edge of a spoon and all the elbow grease I could muster to get the price tags off the bottom of those dishes.  AND it took over 30 minutes to clean all of them up to use!  I am not kidding.  AND it pissed me off badly.  My patience level is shakey anyway, you know?

Meanwhile, over at the stove, the hamburgers are burning.  Hubby comes in and makes the mistake of saying, “I’m hungry!”  He looks at me and what I’m doing, apparently reads the look of love on my face, finishes the supper stuff, and takes his plate into the living room to eat.  Bless him.  Of course, he doesn’t clean anything up afterwards, but whatever.

I like chopped walnuts in my banana bread.  I look in the cupboards for 10 minutes trying to find my handy-dander chopper.  Finally think I remember it breaking last year.  On purpose?  Or, maybe it has joined the glass lid in the depths of hell somewhere, I don’t know, I couldn’t find it.  Damn!!  So I put the walnuts in a baggie and pound the pure-d crap out of them with my rolling pin.  What is a very simple recipe has turned into a nightmare for me.  I’ve been at this for an hour now and haven’t even started the cookies and the bread takes 45 minutes to bake!  I finally get the batter poured into the dishes and get them into the stove.  The bread loaves are for the guys at work, I need six of them.

I clean up the kitchen, start a load of clothes, finish painting a gourd, take the dog for a walk and check on the bread and it’s doing fine.  Phone rings, my friend Mona and I get into a funny conversation about the past and are wildly laughing like hyenas when it hits me about the bread.  I scream Goodbye to her and run back into the house and pull them out of the oven and they are almost, almost burned.  Almost.  Not quite.  Not if you squint your eyes and look sideways.  They will do. 

I decide the guys will not get my precious little dishes and after they’ve cooled I take them out of the dishes and wrap them in plastic wrap.  I brought them in this morning and I see they’ve all eaten part of them and not died. 

I’m so grateful. 

Now I must start on my Christmas cards.  This ought to be fun too!

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Pearlie Girl

Our Little Girl

I know I’ve been lax in writing lately, and I’m trying to do better.  It’s a busy time of year both at home and at work.

I do have to write about this funny little creature we have in our home now.  I’ll make it short.

When I get home at the end of the work day, she is really glad to see me.  She has a way of standing on her back feet at the baby gate in the laundry room door and holding on with one paw.  Because her body is wiggling with pure delight at seeing me, it makes her other paw waggle back and forth, as if she’s waving.  But it’s the grin that gets you every time.  The fuzzy areas on either side of her nose will lift up, sort of squint her eyes, and produce the cutest grin you’ve ever seen on a dog.  Somehow I’ve got to get this on video.  We’re not the only ones who have seen it, she actually can smile.
She isn’t much of a barker – she makes a “woo-woo” noise when she is trying to say something to you.  Her little mouth just puckers into a perfect O and this little woo-woo-woo will come out that you can’t help but laugh at!
She loves me but she adores Tim. 
I usually get home before he does and after she’s over greeting me, the wait begins for him.  She will jump up on the couch and hang both paws over the arm and stare at the kitchen door.  When he gets home, the dance, the grin, the woo-woo starts all over, only it’s way more abundant.  He picks her up and she is the happiest little dog in the world.  The whole greeting time can last 10 minutes sometimes, she is just that excited to see us at the end of the day.
At night, she isn’t happy until we’re all in the bed together.  Tim has taught her this “sweet baby” paw movement.  She will rub both her ears with her paws over and over, being absolutely adorable, when he says, “Be a sweet baby.” 
Last night I took her into Home Depot in her little dog carrier.  Just popped her into the cart and off we went.  She doesn’t make any noise, just looks around at everyone and everything.  It is really nice to be able to take her with me. 
Our little Libbey was a wonderful dog for 17 years, but Rocksey Pearl has been a gift from Heaven for us.  It is just nice to have a dog with a good attitude.

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Who Wants To Go Hunting?

Someone please tell me what is so great about sitting in a deer stand all day waiting on a deer to come out so you can blow him away. I understand the being in the woods side of it, I love being in the woods myself. But to sit and wait for a deer to come out all day long is beyond me.

We are members of a hunting club in COUNCIL, Georgia. Look that place up in your Funk and Wagnalls. You probably won’t  find it. Right outside of Fargo. There is no phone signal up there. There is absolutely nothing up there but woods and more woods.

I’ve been up there once when the members were  planting 23 – count’em -TWENTY-THREE  food plots. What a show. It was kind of fun. Thought that day would never end. Last week we were on vacation and sitting out back having a few drinks and Tim was telling me about the stars up there at night. How beautiful they are, how you can see gajillions of them. So we loaded up the car with our drinks and food and the pooch and headed the 50 some odd miles up there to see the stars. We could have stopped in St. George to view them, but we kept going. They were indeed beautiful. We stopped at the gate of the club, unloaded our food, ate it with our fingers, poured ourselves another drink and gazed at stars. Then we came home.  We stopped several times along that long, lonely two lane highway to get out and look at the stars. 

Today he went up there again by himself. Left here at 6:00 this morning. At 7:00 pm I’m getting a little antsy, I can’t help it. He’s been gone all day!  I can’t pour myself a drink, I’m trying to dry out from last week. What if I need to drive?  What if I need to go to a hospital?  I don’t need to be drinking.  Besides, it’s Monday, for pete’s sake.  Get a grip Smith!!!  So I pace, I look at the clock, I try and figure out how long it would take if you did kill a deer, had to get it back to the camp, load it in your truck, and bring it home. I do a little praying asking God to give me a sign. Should I be worried? Well, I thought I heard Him say YES.  Who am I to ignore God?  So I call Tim’s friend who is also a club member and ask him. He says give Tim until 9:00 and if he still hasn’t shown up, let him know. I call my friend Cheryl and talk to her. Got her worried. She always gets diarrhea when she gets worried. Hated to do that to her but misery does indeed, love company. We hang up and I scrub the kitchen counters. I scrub them until they’re RAW. I have nothing better to do.  Supper is all cooked and wilting miserably in the pot.  Cabbage and hot dogs, he loves that stuff.  I’d even made pretty little cornbread sticks. 

Meanwhile, I’ve downed three bottles of water trying to pretend it’s a cold beer and I have to pee. Now I have hauled the frigging phone around with me all evening and I stupidly left it on the counter to go to the bathroom. I’m in the middle of a good stream and the phone rings. I cussed, pushed harder trying to get to the end and it’s no good. I’m too old now to stop my pee mid-stream, especially after all that water. So I leap off the toilet and run to the kitchen and peed all over my half-pulled up shorts. It’s my father in law. I explain the situation to him (not the peeing of course) and then ma-in-law gets on the phone and we both have a good worry session. Hang up with them, and decide if I do need to go up to the club, I should probably put on some long pants. I get everything ready, look at the clock, it’s 20 til 9, and as I’m picking up the phone to call Bill, Tim pulls into the yard.

I spend the next 5 minutes calling everyone back to let them know he’s home. Tim pulls down to the barn, and is busy down there. I go to the back fence and try to see if there are antlers hanging out the back of the truck and see none. But that is okay, I’m just so relieved that he’s home, I am almost dizzy.

I didn’t get mad, I didn’t even say much except to tell him what all went on. He gives me this incredulous look and laughs at me. He said he only saw one deer all day and it was too far away to risk shooting and missing.

And for this, we’re paying major hunting club dues, a $300 Georgia license and extra money for the food plots…so I can worry and he can laugh at me. 

In my next life, I want to be a bear.

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