This was no Squeaker!

This is probably something I should not mention but sometimes I have no shame. 

I was in Sam’s the other day cruising the bread aisle and I came up behind this tiny little old woman who was pushing her cart slowly along.  I was in sneakers and I know she didn’t hear me.  I got about three feet behind her and selected a loaf of bread and was about to select a second loaf of a different kind when I heard her let one.  She ripped one off that about blew me back 4 steps.  As she was turning around to survey her damage I quickly sidestepped to my right and pretended to be choosing a loaf further away from her.  She looked startled to see me right there and mumbled, “Excuse me” under her breath and got it in gear and pushed her cart a little faster away from me.  Perhaps the “extra gas” was to keep her going, I don’t know.  She slipped around the corner and disappeared.  I waited a proper ten seconds before going back to where I was trying to pick out my bread.  I hesitated to enter that territory.  I was reluctant to even get a loaf from that area, but figured the plastic wrapping may have protected the bread loaves.  I held my breath and grabbed one anyway and left the crime scene. 

I felt sorry for her though.  Getting old ain’t easy.  Nor pretty.  Or for sissies.  You see, that happened to me years ago in Walmart while I was looking at greeting cards.  Bam, outta the blue, WRRRRP.  There was a lady on the other end of the rack reading a card and she looked at me as if I’d just crapped on the floor.  I saw her card almost drop out of her hand.  Her eyes widened in surprise and disbelief.  You know what I did?  I poked my head around the corner of the rack and looked over there with a properly aghast look on my face as if someone else had done it!  No kidding!  Like I could pull THAT off! 

She didn’t fall for it and I could tell.  I plopped my card back into its holder and I took off, literally, running.  Straight out the back through the garden center laughing like a crazed hyena.  I could not stop laughing!  I was in tears!  The look on her face and then me pretending it was someone else was too much even for me.  

So, old lady, whoever you were, I totally understand what you went through and I forgive you for it.  

At least you didn’t try and blame yours on some imaginary person.


1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    sil said,

    Say, anyone ready for a game of fart football??? Sounds like two good players in this story! All it takes to refill your tank is a good bowl of lima beans or for a quick refill…a bowl of Krystal Chili.
    Another great story sil, actually it was a gas!! giggle, giggle!!

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