Who Wants To Go Hunting?

Someone please tell me what is so great about sitting in a deer stand all day waiting on a deer to come out so you can blow him away. I understand the being in the woods side of it, I love being in the woods myself. But to sit and wait for a deer to come out all day long is beyond me.

We are members of a hunting club in COUNCIL, Georgia. Look that place up in your Funk and Wagnalls. You probably won’t  find it. Right outside of Fargo. There is no phone signal up there. There is absolutely nothing up there but woods and more woods.

I’ve been up there once when the members were  planting 23 – count’em -TWENTY-THREE  food plots. What a show. It was kind of fun. Thought that day would never end. Last week we were on vacation and sitting out back having a few drinks and Tim was telling me about the stars up there at night. How beautiful they are, how you can see gajillions of them. So we loaded up the car with our drinks and food and the pooch and headed the 50 some odd miles up there to see the stars. We could have stopped in St. George to view them, but we kept going. They were indeed beautiful. We stopped at the gate of the club, unloaded our food, ate it with our fingers, poured ourselves another drink and gazed at stars. Then we came home.  We stopped several times along that long, lonely two lane highway to get out and look at the stars. 

Today he went up there again by himself. Left here at 6:00 this morning. At 7:00 pm I’m getting a little antsy, I can’t help it. He’s been gone all day!  I can’t pour myself a drink, I’m trying to dry out from last week. What if I need to drive?  What if I need to go to a hospital?  I don’t need to be drinking.  Besides, it’s Monday, for pete’s sake.  Get a grip Smith!!!  So I pace, I look at the clock, I try and figure out how long it would take if you did kill a deer, had to get it back to the camp, load it in your truck, and bring it home. I do a little praying asking God to give me a sign. Should I be worried? Well, I thought I heard Him say YES.  Who am I to ignore God?  So I call Tim’s friend who is also a club member and ask him. He says give Tim until 9:00 and if he still hasn’t shown up, let him know. I call my friend Cheryl and talk to her. Got her worried. She always gets diarrhea when she gets worried. Hated to do that to her but misery does indeed, love company. We hang up and I scrub the kitchen counters. I scrub them until they’re RAW. I have nothing better to do.  Supper is all cooked and wilting miserably in the pot.  Cabbage and hot dogs, he loves that stuff.  I’d even made pretty little cornbread sticks. 

Meanwhile, I’ve downed three bottles of water trying to pretend it’s a cold beer and I have to pee. Now I have hauled the frigging phone around with me all evening and I stupidly left it on the counter to go to the bathroom. I’m in the middle of a good stream and the phone rings. I cussed, pushed harder trying to get to the end and it’s no good. I’m too old now to stop my pee mid-stream, especially after all that water. So I leap off the toilet and run to the kitchen and peed all over my half-pulled up shorts. It’s my father in law. I explain the situation to him (not the peeing of course) and then ma-in-law gets on the phone and we both have a good worry session. Hang up with them, and decide if I do need to go up to the club, I should probably put on some long pants. I get everything ready, look at the clock, it’s 20 til 9, and as I’m picking up the phone to call Bill, Tim pulls into the yard.

I spend the next 5 minutes calling everyone back to let them know he’s home. Tim pulls down to the barn, and is busy down there. I go to the back fence and try to see if there are antlers hanging out the back of the truck and see none. But that is okay, I’m just so relieved that he’s home, I am almost dizzy.

I didn’t get mad, I didn’t even say much except to tell him what all went on. He gives me this incredulous look and laughs at me. He said he only saw one deer all day and it was too far away to risk shooting and missing.

And for this, we’re paying major hunting club dues, a $300 Georgia license and extra money for the food plots…so I can worry and he can laugh at me. 

In my next life, I want to be a bear.

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1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    Sharon said,

    Hmmmm, so ya want somebody to tell ya what is so great about sitting in a deer stand all day?? Well there is a few things that just flat out make it awesome!!

    First and most important to the male hunter is, NO HONEY-DO LIST!! Now if he tries to enjoy his day off by staying home all day, ha that ain’t happening! (with some wives anyway) No laying around on the couch, channel surfing or just relaxing piddling at whatever. The wife would have him riddled with such guilt, shame and nagging, it would drive him to never take a day off. Why he would volunteer to work for free just to get away from the house! Awe yeah, the peace and quiet of nature with not a human voice (nag) heard all day.

    Second is it’s the man thing to do to feed his family. Fill the freezer full of meat for the winter. Now it’s a toss up in this day and age as to how cost effective this may be. What once was a way of survival, is now considered strictly a sport, a competion of sorts due to the fact one now has to pay a Hunting Club in order to hunt. Or it may just be a excuse or justifcation for the man to relax and have a day all to himself. (back to no nagging) Call it peace and quiet at a very high cost.

    I could go on however, I must get back to work so maybe next year I can pay the hunting dues for my husband to join one of them thar Hunting Clubs so I CAN HAVE SOME PEACE AND QUIET!!!

    Doe’s Place in Space….a little safer than the woods!!


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